This is the man many of you voted for in the governor's race (this statement of course largely excludes most of Lane and Multnomah counties).
Just picture John Kitzhaber's face in the place of Shaquille O'Neal and that is your election results.
To help you picture this, here's Kitz asking his 22,000 Facebook friends to give him some feedback.
He kinda looks like he'd really rather be somewhere other than on the street doing a Facebook video. Luckily, Kitz is apparently up for thankless tasks. Good thing. He's got lots ahead of him.
Want to be his Facebook friend? Go here: http://www.facebook.com/johnkitzhaber
Chris Dudley only has 17,000 Facebook friends. Leading me to wonder: Is the number of Facebook friends politicians have an accurate predictor of elections?
In other news if you haven't seen newly-re-elected Congressman Peter DeFazio's appearance in The Onion , it's a must read:
WASHINGTON—In the wake of what is being called the deadliest midterm election in the nation's history, Washington's sole surviving politician, Rep. Peter DeFazio of Oregon's 4th Congressional District, emerged from the rubble of the Capitol building Wednesday to announce his intention to rebuild the fallen U.S. government.
The events of Tuesday night—which included live televised images of Sen. Harry Reid taking a gavel to the head of Sen. Mitch McConnell while Rep. Barney Frank repeatedly smashed the face of Undersecretary for Food Safety Elisabeth Hagen against a marble column—left most Americans believing their entire government had perished in the post-election bloodbath. But the miraculous survival of DeFazio points to a possible way forward.
After fashioning a splint for his broken leg and treating himself for superficial head wounds, a shaken DeFazio addressed the nation Wednesday.
"If anybody can hear me, my name is Peter DeFazio, and I'm a member of the U.S. Congress," he called out from a makeshift podium atop the ruins of the Lincoln Memorial. "I—I'm not sure exactly what happened here, but I want to assure the American people that we, or rather I, will get to all of your concerns as soon as humanly possible. I promise."
And it just continues from there, with a truly awesome last paragraph.
I love the "photos" but Onion editors, one minor, little detail, and Eugene Weekly mocking another publication for proofreading and factchecking issues does have a bit of a "glass houses and stones" feel to it … but …
DeFazio has long since shaved his mustache. (Check out KVAL's in-depth reporting on Mustache-Gate (clearly inspired by the fact the station was also running mustachioed photos of the clean-shaven congressman.)
The news source went straight to the top, Penny Dodge, DeFazio's chief of staff.
Dodge said the Congressman slashed the 'stach in 2007 "mostly because it had gotten pretty grey and wiry and was harder to maintain."
It's a bad sign when I haven't got a single post in the recent blog posts column. I've got no excuse, really, except that I got blogged out â€” in the reading sense â€” during Comic-Con (which I really do prefer calling Nerd Prom). News! Trailers that stayed up for less than 24 hours! (Why is Emma Frost in Wolverine: Origins? Do I care? I love Emma Frost.) Twitter updates from attending friends! Emailing other friends to beg them to nab stuff for me! ACK!
There was just too much excitement. TOO MUCH, I tell you. And in roughly the same timeframe, the internet was exploding over two things:
1. The apparently unbelievable crappiness of Stephenie Meyer's fourth book about the OMG PERFECT vampire Edward and basically OMG PERFECT â€” but clumsy! â€” teenage girl who falls in love with him. (That link isn't quite as mean as some but it's a) funny and b) a very good illustration of what precisely the fuss is about.) For a good take on that fat book you might see everywhere that isn't by J.K. Rowling, see Salon's "Touched By a Vampire."
2. Some people didn't like The Dark Knight! And these people were immediately met with insane outpourings of fanboy rage, which then turned half the TDK discussion into a frothing meta-mess of Why Critics/Fanboys Are Idiots/Smarter. Because we needed another one of these navel-gazing conversations, clearly. Also worth a good (if slightly bitter) chuckle: George Bush is Batman (or is it the other way around?). I've meant for, what, weeks? now to post a much longer and much more spoiler-involving commentary about TDK, but I seem to have lost some momentum. Maybe next week.
In totally unrelated news, I heart Sherman Alexie. The linked article, "Sixty-one Things I Learned During the Sonics Trial," includes the following gems:
"15. In writing, thinking, and talking about the Sonics' possible relocation to Oklahoma City, I shuffle like an iPod through the stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance, and Hall & Oates."
"21. Yeah, I cuss a lot. Get over it. In writing about basketball, it would be utterly hypocritical to abstain from cursing. Did you catch the last four minutes of the Boston Celtics game six tap-out of the Los Angeles Lakers? As they danced together on the sidelines and celebrated their world championship, Ray Allen, Kevin Garnett, and Paul Pierce danced and sang so many "motherfuckers" that the bleeped-over broadcast turned into a John Cage sound collage."
And many more. Is it basketball season yet?
And that's it for now. So much else out there. Let's see if I can't blog at least twice next week.
You might think I wouldn't care about the fact that Seattle's basketball team is leaving. Seattle's a long drive, for one thing, and for another, my heart belongs to the Pistons (and then to the Suns. Gotta love hippie Canadian NBA stars). But for some reason it still pisses me off that the Sonics (though they won't be called that anymore) are ditching Seattle. Courtesy of The Stranger's Slog comes this beautifully concise response to the team's owner.
Wave goodbye to Luke Ridnour, kids. Go Ducks and all that.
(Speaking of NBA basketball, which I really only do during the playoffs and draft, I'm still cranky that Portland picked up Kansas' Brandon Rush and them immediately traded him ... for Jerryd Bayless and Ike Diogu? Seriously? OK, then. At least my favorite Duck, Maarty Leunen, got picked up by the Houston Rockets, even if in this story they're saying he'll go play overseas first. And, for those who weren't paying attention the other week during the draft, Phoenix picked up Malik Hairston, then traded rights to him to San Antonio. Much as I like Tim Duncan, I'm can't possibly be a Spurs fan until Bruce Bowen is elsewhere.)
Oh, Bryce Taylor, you are made of awesome.
Please teach the Ducks how to come from behind now!
Will the deepening nationwide credit crisis torpedo the UO basketball arena?
The UO has proposed borrowing $200 million for the new arena through the bond market. But the New York Times reported today that the weakened condition of two large bond insurers has become a "potential time bomb" for such borrowing.
The bond insurers have reportedly lost billions by mixing themselves up in backing risky subprime mortgages. Without sound insurers for bond issues like the UO's $200 million, investors may not be willing to buy the UO's debt at affordable rates.
The Times reports: "The insurersâ€™ problems are also spilling over into the municipal bond market, making it harder for cities, counties and states to raise money for projects."
So I can't blog about last night's Heroes episode because the men's basketball game ran long and I haven't watched it yet. Alas.
The game went well enough, I suppose, but these early games are getting a little dull, and the team seems to be a bit all over the place; one night we're bitching about how Malik Hairston seems to have no fire, no spark, and the next he's taking control of the team. One night we think Kamyron Brown is the next best thing to happen to the Ducks, and the next the ball is slipping out of his fingers. It'll be an interesting season â€” eventually. But these itty bitty games aren't holding my attention as much as I wish they would.
But ANYWAY (tm Klosterman), I came here to type about something else. Something awesome. Something magical. It reminds me of the babe. What babe? The babe with the power. THIS BABE:
Next weekend, starting with a Thanksgiving matinee, the Bijou will be showing LabyrinthÂ â€” a shiny new print, no less. I almost went to Portland when one of the McMenamins was showing a shiny new Labyrinth print ... but now all I have to do is stay up until 2 am to watch it here. Sweet!
But, er, all self-centeredness aside, you really ought to go see the Most Awesome David Bowie Movie Ever Made (no, The Hunger totally doesn't count). Who cares that Jennifer Connelly never talks about having been in this film, like she's for some idiotic reason ashamed of it? Who cares that a few of the effects are laughably dated? The goblins are awesome. The little worm who invites Sarah in for a cup o' tea is awesome. Everything is awesome except the Fierys, who kind of freak me out. The Helping Hands? ("She chose down? She chose DOWN!") Ludo? ("Smell .... BAAAAD!") Hoggle? Nasty little fairies? My mom erupting into hysterical laughter over the Bowie crotch shot? (Oops, sorry; wasn't going to talk about my experience with this brilliant flick anymore.)
There's just so much to love. And to quote. Labyrinth will be showing LateNite at the Bijou Nov. 23-25 and Dec. 1 & 2 and hey, if you want to make it into some kind of Rocky Horror thing? I'm totally game.