children

Is this NOT the hottest thing you've seen all day?

I thought I'd never hear mention of the man with his innards printed on a full-body Spandex suit again. I mean, I saw this guy at Portland's Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall back in 3rd grade (what was that? Like 1991?). Mind you, to this day it has been the only show I've seen at the A-Schnitz (can't really afford anything else that shows there). That was back in the day when elementary schoolers went on field trips 100 miles away and didn't have to sell friggin' chocolate bars door-to-door to raise money. Those were certainly the days before Measure-fucking-Eleven.

And now I see the Slimster's making an appearance at the McDonald Theatre! Here's the info:

SLIM GOODBODY will bring his educational show to the McDonald Theatre on Thursday, May 22, 2008. Produced by the Slim Goodbody Corp.

Tickets on sale NOW online at goodbody.com or by calling toll free 1-800-962-7546 for $6.50 in advance.

If not sold out, tickets will
also be available at the door day of
show for $6.50.

Doors
open at 9:30 a.m. Show starts at 10 a.m.

I thought maybe Slim Goodbody was maybe past his prime after the '80s. I mean, Spandex is so '80s, right? I figured he'd be replaced with big fluffy organ mascots. Look, kids! There's Spleeny! Esopho-Gus! Mr. Brain! Lung Fung Ku!

Anyway, glad to see you back, Mr. Goodbody. You certainly taught me a thing or two back in '91. I hope the kids still love you in '08. And boy ... you're a cheap seat!

1. What crazy ass fools would deny kids health care coverage? Would it shock you if I said the Bushies?

2. Maybe they had health care 14 million years ago. And now we'll be able to see!

3. Ha! Not to insult Prince Hal or anything ... Nice try, people, but we know Bush ain't no Shakespearean hero.
After the 2000 recount, plenty of us hoped - we really had no choice - that Bush would turn out to be Prince Hal in Henry IV, the layabout brat who, on succeeding to his father's throne, finds the maturity to lead. His presidency has indeed turned out to be like Henry V, but in reverse.

4. Health care in Ohio is screwed too, thanks to "the market." The profit motive runs contrary to the best cooperative and Samaritan traditions of medical practice and training.

5. Healthy food Less instantly bad for you food at the Indianapolis State Fair. Oh noes, they has to change the oil more often!

Um, dudes, that's a good thing. However, problem:
And if this meant they could indulge without guilt or have one more helping, so much the better.
No, see, the one more helping thing? You're missing the point.

6. OMG, the West Coast is so ... far ... away ... from East Coast newspapers, that is.

7. But not as far as Iowa, apparently. Not that the farmers help that myth, either.

8. Rain: It's messing with Mexico & Jamaica and killing people in the Midwest. (And freaking me out in Eugene: Give me back my sunny days! Until October!)

9. More disaster and a slow response: Peru needs help.

10. Kids these days! It's the annual Beloit list about entering first-year students, and it's a bit confusing:
62. They have no idea who Rusty Jones was or why he said “goodbye to rusty cars.”
Me neither, dudes.

BONUS: The Remains of the Day Lily
That just hurts. Ouch. Stop it!