contest

Well, we didn't receive the required bare minimum of three entries in our contest to write the shittiest album review ever. (We got two, both of which are from friends of mine who are also blog-reading desk-slaves.) One of them will get the prize of a digital download of Skeletal Lamping, the new album from Of Montreal, and I will talk to them personally to see who wants it most. But here are their crappy reviews for your reading pleasure:

From Bryan:

Karl Blau's new album "Nature's Got Away" has 12 tracks made out of silkworm dogma. When I listen to it I think of lighting plastic on fire and then dripping fire plastic onto things. At some points in the album I think things like "that sounds like crickets" and then I start thinking about dripping flaming plastic on crickets, amen.

From Maranda:

Antony & the Johnsons made a new EP. It's more songs about how Antony wishes he was a girl, etc. Real pretty. Except there's one that gets annoying. I wish musicians would stop with their damn experimenting and just a lot of things that sound pretty.

Should we hold more contests like this? Let us know in the comments section!

So I’ve been giving Mariam, EW's high school job shadower, some assignments that I hoped would stoke her creativity and, more importantly, get her to relax at the keyboard and just write. One of those assignments was to write the lamest, shittiest, most clichéd album review ever. Then I thought I might as well join in on the fun and write up a crappy review myself. Decide for yourself whether either of us were successful by clicking HERE or reading below to see both of our reviews for Of Montreal’s Skeletal Lamping. Also, read to the very bottom for details on how to get Skeletal Lamping as a download for FREE!!! (Only one lucky winner, as this contest is merit-based, not a random drawing!)

PARTAY!

OK, we got two things going on for our first "Companion Animals" (or "Pets" or "Beasts and their Buddies" — if you have a good idea for what to call this thing, please tell us) special issue, coming out August 23.

1. PETS PERSONALS! You gives us a picture and some words, oh, and I think some money (but we editorial types stay away from those details; email pets@eugeneweekly.com or call 484-0519 and ask for Geneva for more info), and we prints the pic on a special pets personal page.

2. Is your companion animal the cutest in the world? How about the ugliest? Submit your photos to pets@eugeneweekly.com by 5 pm on Monday, Aug. 20, to find out.