No, seriously, this is a short and unfunny one. Because sometimes the news ain't funny. OK, except for one.
1. Bombs kill. Death toll still rising after attacks. Oh, and although some (*cough*Britain*cough*) sort of want to get out of Iraq, France wants to become an "honest broker" in the country. Someone has to do something that doesn't involve killing, I guess. Because soldiers are psychologically conditioned to kill.
2. Republicans revel in making others grovel. I don't think that's just a Cali thing either.
3. Leaders like to be deciders. This means they sometimes rebel when their puppetmasters try to tell them what to do or how (or when) to do it.
4. Deciders don't like journalists. Especially after pro-democracy demonstrations.
5. Deciders don't like protesters. And have manuals on how not to see them.
Not that they're worried or anything. But the White House evidently leaves little to chance when it comes to protests within eyesight of the president. As in, it doesn't want any.
6. The funny one: Crocs are ugly! But popular! In case you hadn't noticed them, or all of those little things you can put in their holes, the Christian Science Monitor tells you all about the shoes and their devotees. (And their detractors.)
1. What has the federal government done for New York lately? Perhaps because of its semi-Republican mayor, NY gets millions to help relieve traffic congestion.
3. Those are my ancestors, thank you very much! "Bronze Age man was a bit of a boozer."
"There were up to 4500 breweries in Ireland in the Bronze Age, which means it was the most widespread brewing industry in prehistory in the world," Mr Moore said.
4. What's up in Turkey? Looks like a religious-secular clash.
(Plus an interview on "the state of science in Muslim countries," just in case Turkey becomes one.)
5. Holy suitcases stuffed with cash, Batman! International conspiracy between Argentina and Venezuela?
6. Oh yes, let's give a squirming, lying creep control over states' death penalty cases, shall we?
7. Stop buying plastic crap for your kids. Even Mattel says so.
8. After Dick Cheney gets out of the way, what will happen to the dams on the Klamath River? The O weighs in.
9. When good companies go bad. Oh, Jones Soda, we knew you when.
10. Incroyable! Les FranÃ§ais aiment Ratatouille! (Er, the article is in English; I'd link to the one in French, but those bÃ¢tardes want 6 â‚¬ a month. And BugMeNot can't help b/c it's pay-per-view. Zut alors!.)