sex

Here's the lead from an AP story I just read in the LA Times:

At least one in four teenage American girls has a sexually transmitted disease, suggests a first-of-its-kind federal study that startled some adolescent-health experts.

Holy. Effing. Shite.

The story goes on to say, Some doctors said the numbers might be a reflection of both abstinence-only sex education ... there are a lot of myths out there, too -- many sexually active teens think the withdrawal method will protect them, or that douching with Coca-Cola will kill STD germs.

OK, my friends. What the living hell? Aside from the obvious issues of abstinence-only education, there's the Co-cola (to quote my Alabama friends) issue. That's just weird.

You want to know more about urban Coca-Cola legends? Head here, where I'm thinking Snopes could add an entry on "Coca-Cola will kill STD germs" marked with a big effing RED FOR FALSE button. Oh wait, Snopes does say that.

On that page, the writer includes this rather vivid description: Back in the 1950s and 1960s, this method of parenthood prevention proved somewhat popular because not only was it cheap and universally available at a time when reliable birth control methods were hard to come by, but it also came in its own handy "shake and shoot" disposable applicator. After intercourse, the girl would uncap a warm Coke, put her thumb over the mouth of the bottle, shake up the beverage, then insert the neck of the bottle in her vagina and move her thumb out of the way. The warm well-shaken Coke became an effervescent spermicidal douche, with the traditional (at that time) six-ounce bottle providing what was deemed to be just the right amount for one application.

(Just remember: It's NOT effective! It's NOT a spermicidal!)

Also: Douching with Coca-Cola?! Um. Ouch. And um, sugar in the vagina=not good.
From MedHelp: Douching can cause yeast infections, so it's probably not the best idea anyway. There's just no reason to use Coca-Cola anywhere near the vagina.

AGREED. But back to the real issue: Parents of adolescent girls, get them tested. Talk with them about birth control, safer sex and sex in general (in a non-icky way, please). You might start with one of the most often-banned books in the U.S., Robie Harris and Michael Emberley's brilliant, fantastic, awesome It's Perfectly Normal, when the girls (and boys) are on the young side. (Older girls? Hey, how about a classic? Our Bodies, Ourselves still packs quite the amount of info into one tome. And the website ain't too shabby either.)

I listened to a Pen American Center podcast with Robie Harris a while back, and it's quite strong. Check it out too.

And young adults, I beg you: Just say no to all of this rhythm method, "pulling out," anal or oral isn't real sex, etc. bullshit. Gonna have any kind of sex? Protect yourselves. Because the most common STD found in the study — the human papillomavirus (HPV) — can cause cancer. Don't need any more of that floating around.

*Coca-Cola image from Wiki Commons, credit to Jorgebarrios; It's Perfectly Normal image from Candlewick Press.

Just in time for Valentines Day, Science Daily has come out with this exciting news: A scientist has taken photos of gorillas having sex, face-to-face.

Apparently MOST gorillas do it in the way that is commonly called "doggie style" but which scientists refer to as the "dorso-ventral position."

Thomas Breuer, lead author of the gorilla study that published this photograph, comments: "It is also interesting that this same adult female has been noted for innovative behaviors before."

Yup, "innovative behaviors." Back in 2005 the gorilla, nicknamed Leah, was documented using tools, namely a stick to test the depth of a pool of water before she went in. Leah is no average gorilla.

The article notes that "few primates mate in a face-to-face position, known technically as ventro-ventral copulation." This position, it would seem, is very rare in the wild, as this is the FIRST EVER photography done of face-to-face gorilla sex in nature (it's been documented in zoos; I'm not sure what that says about zoos and sex).

These particular gorillas — western lowland gorillas — are listed at critically endangered. Which makes this a photo of critically endangered gorilla sex.

To help the critically endangered western lowland gorilla (and provide more funding for photos of the gorillas being "innovative") go to the Wildlife Conservation Fund's website: http://www.wcs.org/

Happy Valentines.

Have I mentioned that I heart The Guardian (UK)'s theatre blog? No?

Well, consider its tremendousness mentioned. For today.

Here's my current bit of fascination: Peter Conrad writing on the Metropolitan Opera and its new Singles programs.

My first favorite line ever: Classical music, supposedly the purest of the arts, has always been a bit of a floozy.

Yes! Yes! Yes!

And speaking of that, he goes on to say,
Throughout its history, it has been busily working as a pandar, facilitating seduction and extolling the delights of carnal gratification.
OK, I had to look up "pandar." It's a couth word for pimp.

He even discusses orgasms at the opera (in the libretto, dahlings).

But then he lashes out against the corporate shilling now omnipresent at classical music events, especially, he says, opera:
On an average night, Covent Garden is given over to corporate hospitality, with contingents of City networkers braying, swilling and bonding. By contrast, using music as an aphrodisiac seems to me an innocent enterprise.

(Read more about a certain corporation that the UO, er, brays for, after the jump, plus: Classical music stays around in the morning. And no messy wet spots!)

I heart my devoted fan club.

Mr. Galloway's love letter to me will run in "Letters" this week, but he sent an addendum today that I thought all you blog-readers would like to read.

'Crap' and gold at the Springfield Mayor's Show? 'Pimp' your cave? 'Luxury crib'? Why doesn't Chuck Adams skip the tasteless headlines and just sign himself 'Fuck' Adams? — Dennis Galloway

This reminds me of the Name Game — a game I used to LOATHE to play because it never worked with my name. Especially that year I went to Catholic School and they insisted we play the game and I insisted that they skip me, but oh, the horror that trembled across their lips when they got midway through the song, "Chuck Chuck bo-buck, bananana fo-fu——!" Nervous laughter all around. In the name of the father, the ghost, the holy spirit. Amen.

Peace,

Fuck Adams

Ugh! So tired. But oh, my, did Chuck and I enjoy our four days at the Oregon Shakespeare Festival, even the less good plays and the, well, disastrous tuna affair at the lame restaurant (all shall be revealed in good time).

Anyway, while we were away, things happened.
1. Nuclear war is OK online. Hey, we ran a story on Second Life. But this? This is creepy.

2. Get back on that rowing machine, Einstein! Exercise makes you smarter. SUCK. Why can't it all be about coffee and wine?

3. For more female equality (and better sex), don't beat your swords into plowshares; just get rid of 'em. Actually, that's but one thing that this Salon story tells us.
Generally women take a broader view of everything, for good Darwinian reasons.

4. Jesus F. Christ, please put down your book and pay attention to flight attendants when they talk about those emergency slides. And here's why.

5. Some dailies still have books coverage. Check out my hometown newspaper! Frankly, I'm shocked. Why? Where's Robert Heinlein on that list, eh?! (He was from KC, after all.)

6. Holy fucking shit: Hamas in kindergarten. If the photo with this story doesn't creep you out, you are not creepable. (Yes, it's totally SFW.)

7. Australia totally screws over its Aboriginal population. Seriously. Over the past six years, at least $30 million of the money the Government promoted as being for Aborigines was used to oppose native title and compensation claims.

8. Bush's Sweeping Push for Democracy Falters. Or so says The Washington Post. But um ... WHAT "push for democracy"? (Or here. Or here. Or here. Or ... )

9. The weekend's weirdest and possibly most counterproductive headline comes from Sunday's O, which ran Illegal immigrants aren't filling jails as the above-the-fold front page story. Um. Thanks, I think.
Online, the story has a different headline.

10. Don't have sex! You'll burn ... down your house!

BONUS: "Help! I'm Hot For an Older Lady in my Church Group!"